| The Silence Between Us... |
[
August 30th, 2009 ï 6:10pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
missing him<3 |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Beneath the Veil by Chester Flinch |
] |
is unbearable. I miss the sound of your voice. The musical tones of your laughter. I want you here in my arms. And I miss the tease of your lips against mine.<3
Forever yours no matter where life takes us, Me.
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| Even if... |
[
July 5th, 2009 ï 2:14am
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Undertow by Sara Bareilles |
] |
Even if I went back to change all the things we did just to keep you with me a little bit longer it still wouldn't change you.
|
| *sigh* |
[
May 27th, 2009 ï 9:39am
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 optimistic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Gee- SNSD (Girls Generation) |
] |
I honestly don't understand people who cheat. Especially the person in the relationship. One of my friends has been with this guy for a little more than a year and he's faithful and good to him, so why is she cheating on him with a guy who's in a relationship too?
I just got cheated on and I would never wish that pain on ANYONE. That hurt way too much for me. And I'm a pretty strong girl.
I told my guy that it hurt. And we talked about it kind of and we're still friends but not as much as want to be. I still miss him a lot. And sometimes I just get the uncontrollable urge to go back to him and let me fall for him again. But then feeling that pain again scares me.
I would love him for forever. I would miss seeing his smile everyday when I go to San Fransisco for college. I would miss his hugs the envelope me in his smell of the green Monster drink and Axe. I would miss my DDR buddy. But he's still with me, in my heart and in my memories.
He's never far from my mind nowadays, but it's getting easier to stop thinking about him.
Sadly sometimes I want him to come up to me and be like: Sorry I did that to you. I want to be with you.
But I know that'll never happen because he's too chicken. He's a really feminine guy who takes life as it's thrown at him. He won't do anything for himself but he'll do many things for others.
|
| My Man... |
[
April 16th, 2009 ï 7:54am
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
horny |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
You Set the Scene by Love |
] |
I'm really horny for him. I really really am. I think about him and his hands and it's just like OMFG YES~!!
We haven't had sex yet, but I'm saving that for when I think I'm ready.
I'm fine with what we have now.
|
| 4 weeks of bliss |
[
April 10th, 2009 ï 4:11pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Cookie Jar by Gym Class Heroes ft. the Dream |
] |
March 11th was the first day we kissed. This Wednesday was our 4th week semi-together. :D
He's my first in a lot of things. My first french kiss. My first hickey. My first lip nibble. My first boob and ass grab. XD
But he's leaving me on April 20th. He's going to a state entirely on the other side of the continent. :P
So now I'm doing what I can to be close to him. I want him to come back safe and for me.
Of course if he stays there I'll cry. But it's something for him and if he wants to better himself there, the least I want is to be friends.
|
| Why does he make my head spin? |
[
March 9th, 2009 ï 10:32pm
] |
|
C as in Cheers (It's what I call him. :D) is the guy who broke my heart.
J as in Jonathan is the guy who's been so good to me. But he doesn't know I like him.
A as in Annie my friend. Supposedly. I told her about Jonathan and:
Annie: Is he single?
Me: Yeah I wouldn't date guys who aren't.
Annie: So is he or isn't he?
Me: Yeah he's single but I like him. So he's off limits.
Annie: Aw.
I mean if she really was a friend why would she need to know if the guy I'm dating is single? And what kind of answer is that to me telling her he's off limits? Seriously.
|
| Isn't it crazy... |
[
March 9th, 2009 ï 10:25pm
] |
|
Isn't it crazy that when I'm finally over him he wants to mess around? Isn't it crazy that he still wants to mess around even when he's still with his girlfriend?
Isn't it crazy that even though I've found a man who is good to me, that I still think about that jerk? Isn't it crazy how hypocritical I am?
|
| Taken a step down. |
[
January 17th, 2009 ï 9:01pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
grounded |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Let the Flames Begin by Paramore |
] |
As I walk higher upon my steps of life towards the next, towards actual love. I seem to get knocked down. I recently hung out with my high school crush. And I still like him.
Was he worth getting grounded for? Yes.
Was he worth having to stay home with my shit for heart parents for three weeks? Yes.
Was he worth being happy for even just a few hours? Most definetly.
|
| my real life Edward #3 |
[
January 3rd, 2009 ï 10:31pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
numb by linkin park |
] |
It hurts me that she doesn't even try to hide that she's being a total mega whore.
And it hurts me that he's letting her wrap him around her fingers.
i was talking to him on the 31st, and I told him about my sad laugh, because I have two laughs.
Edward: You laugh when you're sad?
And I wanted to say: I laugh when I'm around you, don't I?
When I look into his eyes, it just hurts.
|
| The Center of Everything by Laura Moriarty |
[
January 3rd, 2009 ï 3:55am
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 curious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Please by Ludo |
] |
I absolutely fell in love with this book. Not only did it have some really thought provocing messages to convey to me but it also reflected my life right now. It was heartbreaking towards the end of the story. A real tear jerker. I love this book with a passion.
I give this book a five stars out of five stars. That is how much it is a very loved book to me. I look forward to reading more from her.
|
| my real life Edward |
[
January 3rd, 2009 ï 2:27am
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Nothing |
] |
I didn't think I'd ever feel this heartbroken. My best friend stole him away from me. Barely a day after I told her I liked him. He knew and knows I liked him. So sometimes I feel like asking him: When can I feel whole again?
|
| my real life Edward |
[
December 24th, 2008 ï 10:43am
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
nothing can fix me right now |
] |
He broke my heart. T_T
But i still want to be near him.
|
| What went down... |
[
November 13th, 2008 ï 5:50pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Crushcrushcrush -- Paramore |
] |
So I thought that he would be my first real boyfriend. Someone I thought I could like for himself and not because I see him everyday. (Because you know how to start liking those certain guys you hang out with ALL the time? Well I do.)
Well the courtship started about like a month ago. He was totally cool to hang with. He was sweet and he's that type of guy who you like for being that quiet, understanding one. Well turns out he's not.
I only started to hang out with him after school. And that's not really a regular thing either because sometimes I have an afterschool class too. Well anyways he didn't start being all huggy-touchy until like two weeks ago. I'd be sitting by myself at a table and he'd just dive into the seat next to me and hug me. And sometimes I'd be sitting on the DDR stage and he'd slide down right next to me.
Well today that latter happened:
C: So how are you doing today?
Me: I'm tired. I went to sleep at like three last night.
C: What were you doing up so late?
Me: I was doing homework and playing this game I had got addicted to.
C: Why are you lying to me? Are you ashamed of me? Of what we did last night?
Me: Oh my god, I'm not even like that. (Seriously I'm not. I'm the like TOTAL virgin with the group I hang out with.)
C: You're ashamed of me. (Play hugs me.)
And then we played DDR:
Me: I want to be the guy!! (I like being the guy. So what?)
C: You're always the guy. Even during sex.
Me: Not even. (I know how to kid around even though I'm a total virgin.)
C: Yes you are.
We take turns picking the songs:
(A guy friend of ours.) A: Whoooo!!! C, shake it!!
Me: (Picks a song. Shake Your Booty.) :D
C: (Has the cutest look on his face.)
(Sigh.)
Then the first part happened:
C: (Dives into the seat next to me and wraps me in a big old bear hug.)
Me: What's up?
C: Why do you look so tired?
Me: Because I am! Remember? I told you earlier.
C: You're just ashamed of me.
Me: No I'm not! Stop saying that. How can you say that?
So. Later on after cooling down from playing DDR. I went to lay down on some bench. And this other girl walks in. And she sits next to C and they start making out!
And in my mind I was like, "What the f*ck?! You have a girlfriend?!" So to calm down I put on my iPod and didn't mind it. But in my head and heart I felt like our relationship would NEVER be the same. Because I'm totally not like that. I won't steal another girls boyfriend just to make myself happy. I believe in "Do onto others, what others do onto you." I think that's how it's said. Well in other words, "Treat others how you wish to be treated yourself."
He totally played me. And he's playing that other girl too. But I'm never going to allow him into my heart again. Cheaters get no second chances in my book.
|
| My mistake of a life gave me hope... |
[
November 13th, 2008 ï 5:36pm
] |
|
Today. Today I got my heart some what stomped on. Like if I had left my heart sitting on the metal stage of a DDR machine and he were to play, maybe Kick the Can on Maniac. That's what my heart went through today. It was Karma's divine intervention for me. I thought that I was going to be able to be happy again when. STOMP. STOMP. STOMP.
|
| Lap Dance... |
[
June 14th, 2008 ï 7:12pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
99 Red Balloons - Goldfinger |
] |
To me,
What is it with you and lap dances? You give one to a guy you hardly know and you think you two have a thing. I wish you would just get everything in order with your life. He doesn't want you...well he probably does but that's because he's a guy. All guys just want one thing. Your friends tell you and you still don't listen! You're going to end up getting hurt and I'm going to be the one left to pick up the pieces of this recent humiliation. Just promise me you'll breathe, and think about it before you jump that horse. I don't think I'm strong enough to hold you together this time around.
Forever love,
Me
|
| He's healing me... |
[
June 11th, 2008 ï 7:09am
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs |
] |
Remember the guy from the carnival, wells... me and him met up again. And we've kissed three times since then. ^〰^
I don't think I can tell anyone I know in real life this but I think he healed me. After BJ I was in a slump, I guess. And he brought me something to look forward to. He was my first kiss, and all he gives is suprise kisses. It makes me smile, it's like a sign to everyone that I'm his in a non-controlling kind of way. We're not bf-gf or anything but I think I like it that way. No strings attached, nothing. Especially with what happened with my last bf. I don't really think I'm ready for that again.
|
| So my world really can start spinning again... |
[
May 4th, 2008 ï 7:06pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 giddy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
When It Rains -- Paramore |
] |
Even after the devastation of BJ not asking me out, I find myself still able to find a possibility of love. Carnivals, with their flashing lights and boring stage liners, is where I finally realized it.
I've found a possibility at love again. And he's not a thought-hogging bastard [totally not his fault] like BJ was for me when I found out he liked me. He's a nice guy with a cute smile, and possibly a good heart.
|
| For you, hide.sama<3 |
[
May 2nd, 2008 ï 5:38pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
WITHOUT YOU -- X JAPAN |
] |
hide.sama<3 i love you and miss you, but most of all i thank you.
your music saved my life.
i love you so much.
your music will live forever.
<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/bWkVO61-hwE&hl=en"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/bWkVO61-hwE&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>
hide.sama<3 i love you and miss you, but most of all i thank you.
|
| Me, insane?! Never...maybe |
[
April 23rd, 2008 ï 6:47am
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Eternity by V.DUBB <<<lol that's scary |
] |
I am constantly talking to myself either myself or to hide.sama<3 which doesn't really count because he's like my god. I mean I got real emo the other day and I locked myself in my room and started talking to him. And I got all sad that I'd never get to experience a hug from him.
It's just something e-persons can never really portray.
I just really wish I could feel what his hug is like.
Love hide, thank hide, miss hide.sama<3
PS. I'm flying away on the notes of your love. <3
|
| Breakdown (Supreme MIx) by Epik High |
[
April 21st, 2008 ï 6:23pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
artistic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
EPIK HIGH |
] |
I was really trying to get all the lyrics down before i logged off but this is all i have of it. And plus I can't do korean romanization. tell me if you know where to find it.
Breakdown (Supreme MIx) by Epik High
Tick tock tick tock
In this town
When i set it off
Can no one stop it in time
I'm like a b52
When i'm jocking a rhyme
I'm tired of beefin' with you
Cock blocking my shine
so stop talkin and find another place to play
before i travolta your face away
get your hands high
like a vampire you don't want to face the day
i'll make you break away
like tires slippin' in the rain
you'll be drippin in your shame
when your sinking in the drain
i'll be thinking i'm insane
i sugest you rest
thinking in my brain
a duck out of fear
my flow is an 8-ton truck out of gear
yeah i heard your album
get your junk out of my ear
congrats your d-d-dumbfuck of the year
~*~*~*~*~*~
after that i'm lost especially at the Korean lyrics. but this song is bomb. The double spaced parts are parts where i didn't know what he was saying. T.T tell me if you know the lyrics. And please credit if you take some of these lyrics.
|
| Life Problem, HELP! Post #2 |
[
April 11th, 2008 ï 6:45am
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
apathetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the studs |
] |
She is absolutely driving me up the wall and I don't know what to do about it. Not only is she stealing from me but she's lying about it too. It's like I don't even know her anymore. Like she's some alien who thinks about nothing but things to aggravate me.
It hurts that she's also bringing our other best friend into this too. I can hear them talk about me behind my back. And then when I come up to talk to them they all of a sudden get all quiet. I mean I know I'm hanging out with my other friends a lot now but that's not an excuse to talk shit behind my back.
I mean like every-time I'm in the same room with them they're all smiles to my face, but stomping on my heart when I turn around. I feel closer to D though, even if I have known M for longer. But I shared more with D, me and her went to JRock Revolution. We have a connection through music. We have a stronger bond than her and M. At least I feel that way.
I don't know anymore...maybe I'm blowing things out of proportion. Maybe I'm just imagining these things. But I can't just shrug it off and say "Fuck it I'm over her." I... I just miss my friend. I really wish things were the way they were at the beginning of the school year.
|
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